So Friday night I began having a slight meltdown, nothing to horrible, but I KNEW it was only going to get worse. In the last week or two CJ's business went from ridiculously slow to OMG HOW ARE WE GOING TO DO THIS busy! Which in construction is very common. First signs of spring everyone calls for estimates and believe me I am not complaining about it, but the first few weeks of transition get a bit crazy around here. Scheduling issues come up, KM feels like she never sees dad and I of course get the dread of he is going to be working 40 hours a week at the job he took because business was slow and now nights and weekends with all the sidework he is getting calls for! Mind you this happens every year, but we haven't been homeschooling every year!
Insecurities creep into the brain about choices we have made, my new found sanity begins to wander away and I begin to go into panic mood. This has not happened to me in a VERY long time. At the time CJ was at an estimate and there was no way I was going to interupt that, so I raced through my support system in my head and of course the one at the top of the list can't be called upon - not physically anyway. These are the times when I miss her SOOOO much it feels like it was only yesterday that she passed. When Noni was here I could call her day or night and she had just the words to bring me back to earth again. So on the verge of total mental breakdown I sat down in my room and closed my eyes to breathe through it for a second. When I opened my eyes and lifted my head there in front of me was the answer.
I hadn't realized, when I stopped to sit, that I sat down in front of the picture of the two most important women in my life - Noni and DD.
I immediately knew what to do - I picked up the phone and called DD. I did not know what I needed from her but I knew at that second I needed to hear her voice. We made plans for her to bring SR over Saturday afternoon so that she could be with KM and DD could be with me.
An unbelievable feeling of calm came over me and I had recaptured my sanity!
Saturday morning I got up and had my yearning for spring cleaning come back again so I decided to go with it. KM and CJ helped out here and there I went through a lot of excess stuff that has been collecting around the house to get ready for a donation run. DD called and said everything still looked good and they would be over later in the afternoon. I continued to wade through the piles and a few hours later I got a second call from DD, SR was not feeling well and didn't think she could make the ride, so DD was coming alone. Well, now I have to break this news to KM. She got a bit upset and clingy for a few minutes then a light went off. I called CJ (who was out picking up something from craig's list for a science project we have to start this week) and shared my new thought up plan with him. His reply was "What every you need me to do!" He is SOOOO wonderful.
So DD arrived and her and I went out to dinner, while KM and CJ went out to dinner and a movie.
That was exactly what I needed. Dinner with DD. I love her so much! I don't know if she knows how much that short amount of time really recharged me. I thoroughly enjoy spending time with her. It doesn't matter if we go out to eat, sit and watch a movie or play card games on the computer, I completely enjoy the time that I spend with her. I am so blessed to have her in my life. Thank you, thank you , thank you!